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The internet despises it when a woman openly states she is "not like other girls". Because a statement like this indicates the woman wants to separate herself from other girls, Being stereotypically "girly" would mean liking the colour pink, makeup, dressing in skirts or dresses, etc. This girl is not like the rest because she doesn’t like pink. She doesn’t like makeup. She doesn’t like dressing up. She likes the colour black better. None of these things are wrong in any way, shape, or form. If you’re a girl, you are ABSOLUTELY not obligated to like stereotypically girly things. The problem arises when these girls actively put down or shame other girls for liking stereotypically girly things. This girl doesn’t like talking to other girls because there's too much "drama". She constantly makes fun of her female friends for "wearing too much make-up". That kind. 

I wasn’t aware of the phenomenon of "pick-me girls" or that they existed until Tik-Tok and Instagram popularised them using POVs. I remember watching those videos, and a part of me burned in anger while the other half felt incredibly recognised and validated in terms of my experiences. Who hasn’t encountered a pick-me-up girl before, right? But as much as I enjoy that genre of social media content, I was certainly intrigued by their behaviour. When we talk about misogyny, we generally envision a man being misogynistic towards a woman. The man is the one who demeans a woman by picking on her looks, interests, or character. So, it’s very weird to know a woman could do the same thing to another woman consciously. Why on earth would they do that? 

The urge to get picked  

When we talk about the urge to be picked, it runs deeper than just attention-seeking. Internalised misogyny conceptualises the way some women feel contempt for their own gender. Being a pick-me is the form we tend to see every day. Although their actions and words may be subconscious, their intentions are not. It is clear why they try to separate themselves from other girls—for male validation and approval. 

Some women grow up in households that favour traditionally masculine traits. Childhood experiences play a key role in shaping our desire for approval. 

Societal norms and traditional gender roles have historically placed women in subordinate positions. This conditioning can lead some women to seek validation from men as a way of gaining acceptance within these established roles. 

Low self-esteem and fear of rejection can be powerful motivators. When a woman exhibits pick-me behaviour, it fulfils her need for external validation, thus making her feel complete. 

At times, in environments or industries where men hold more power and influence (which is basically the entire world), seeking their approval might be a strategic move to advance professionally. 

The media's portrayal of female friendships, men’s approval, and cultural ideals of beauty, success, and desirability play a role here as well. 

That’s all for today! 

Next time, I want to delve deeper into the portrayal of female friendships and characters in music and how that has played a role here. Stay tuned! 

By: Anoushka Jolly, MYP 5A